spoon

Sep 17, 2009

me.

I’ve been worrying A LOT the past few days about A LOT of things,
yes, AGAIN!

For so many years after I gave my life to Jesus, I stopped being a worry-wart but in the past 3 years it has slowly gotten BAD again.

The things I’m worrying about are normal, I guess. It’s just, I KNOW that I can’t control the outcome of anything but I WANT to!

:sigh:

The Mr. and I have been talking about starting a family lately and we finally came to the decision that it’s time. No more BCP. Funny thing is even though I’m worried about how quickly we’ll be able to get pregnant, I’m more worried about what we’re gonna do once we ARE pregnant. LOL! I mean, no one is ever READY to have a child (so I’ve been told) and there apparently is never a GREAT time to have a child and you’ll never have ENOUGH money either. I mean we’re stepping out in faith and knowing that if God is ready for us to be parents that we will be parents soon, right?
Yea, for some reason,
I struggle with that word, FAITH and I ask myself WHY all the time. There’s no reason. I mean God has provided and shown me His love so often I should be an expert at NOT worrying by now, ya know?

As I’ve sat and prayed and LISTENED lately, I’ve come to the conclusion that
it’s FEAR that grips me.
FEAR of failure...period.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity,
but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

The truth of the matter is that fear isn’t even from God.
He doesn’t want me to be AFRAID. He already has a BIG PLAN!

“Do not tremble; do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago? You are my witnesses—is there any other God? No! There is no other Rock—not one!” Isaiah 44:8

He’s had a BIG PLAN before I was even born.
I, of course, blog and light bulbs go off for me.
Venting, ranting, sharing, putting it all down here, in a notebook.
It’s where I slowly begin to understand myself, God and others around me.

This was the verse of the day that I received in my e-mail today and it was just what I needed.
"…For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it.” Habakkuk 1:5

And even as I click the “publish” button, I am scared.

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